A few months ago on a rather uneventful Sunday I was bound and determined that I was going to start the blog I had been thinking about doing for some time. I looked up some blog sites, decided on wordpress, and voila I was well on my way to not only being a dedicated blogger, but one that writes such mind shattering posts that I would have tons of followers. Well needless to say none of that has happened…. What can I say
I’ve just been so busy actually in reality I half forgot and honestly was just being plain lazy. Opps…
Let’s just be honest here though, how is it possible to stay productive when it is so cold out that if you were to step outside not properly dressed for -1000 degrees you would instantly turn into a human Popsicle (yes, groan I am complaining about the weather, I get it nothing new). Outside is a frozen tundra hell that is only made worse by the fact that each morning as I get up out of my toasty bed to go to work I look over only to see my dog sprawled out under the warm covers still snoring. He wakes up just long enough to go outside then promptly returns to his place on the bed looking at me walk out the door as if to say, “good look out there asshole, don’t forget to bring me a bone when you return”.
Not only has it been extremely cold, but this winter is lasting FOREVER with absolutely no end in sight. Glancing at the weather app all I see is freezing temps and many many many more days filled with snow. This is the reason I have often found myself wishing I was a bear so that I could consume unreasonable amounts of food, sleep through all the cold months, and wake up super skinny. New diet trend??
Don’t get me wrong, I love living in Chicago in May I will have lived here for three years. I don’t even mind that I gave up a 2 bedroom 2 bath place in Nashville, for half the rent I pay now, to move into a place that is slightly bigger than a shoe box with no closet space. Who wouldn’t love this place you can stand on North Ave Beach looking out over lake Michigan, then turn around and see the tall buildings of our wonderful downtown. You can get a piece of pizza 24 hours a day, have anything including groceries delivered, and can get anywhere without ever having to drive yourself. I particularly enjoy having wine delivered right to my door and all I have to do is take my snuggie wrapped ass down a flight of stairs, sign a piece of paper, and run back to my couch where I happily chug away most likely watching some crappy re-runs. Hello Friday night…
Anyway, as the three foot piles of snow that line the curbs begin to melt I am starting to see a new side of Chicago. The new potholes that are popping up everywhere I look, many big enough to swallow a whole car, are seriously concerning. When driving I speed around like I was playing Mario Cart trying not to hit a hole and spin out of control, causing my tire to break off and hurtle down the road. All while trying not to hit the many bikers and pedestrians meandering about, who think it is acceptable to jump out in front of you like they are invincible. (I am unsure how I haven’t accidentally mowed down over a handful of bikers at this point) While potholes will surely be the death of my car, I am much more distressed by the piles of dog poo that are slowly showing up all over the sidewalks. As the snow melts these little turd bombs are thawing and are eagerly waiting on the sidewalk for an unsuspecting foot. Oh how I wish this is where my story ends….
A few days ago I was driving home from yoga and was excited to find a parking spot right in front of my place. I was in somewhat of a hurry because I had an appointment to get to in about 30 minutes. I parked the car, quickly got out to get my bag from the passengers side and as I opened the door I slipped on one of those icy snow piles. Still holding onto the door my feet went out from under me causing me to fall flat on my ass and then slide down far enough that my legs were under the car. I yell out a few choice words, hoist myself up, grab my bag and slam the door. As I start to head back to my apartment I notice that my pants, sleeve, back, and hand are wet from what I assume was the result of landing in snow. Oh how I wish I was right… I look down at my backside and hand and am horrified. What I thought was a muddy snow combination was in fact thawed dog poo smeared all over my back side. Yes, I slipped and literally landed in a PILE OF SHIT!!!! Pissed does not even begin to explain how mad I was. Come on people pick up after your dogs!!! After the initial horror wore off, the dog poo incident of 2014 has left me with only a mild case of PTSD. Just remember to watch out where you step er fall??
Stay warm out there. I am optimistic that warm days will arrive soon!
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