So as it turns out, changing your name isn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be. Sure there are some emails to send, calls to make, and a trip to the DMV and social security office involved, but nothing compares to the hell of buying a house. (However, I will say it is a little embarrassing when you show up to an appointment, they ask you for your name, and you stare at them because you can’t remember which name you made the appointment under). 

Buying a house is hell. There is no other way to say it. For those of you who have not been through the process I am telling you it is one of the least enjoyable ones of my life. Sure at first it seems like fun. You get to drive around with your realtor looking at different houses. You will ooooh and ahh at some of the amazing places you see, others you will slowly back away from while trying to figure out how anyone can live in such a hole. If you are thinking that doesn’t sound so bad, let me explain the rest of the process.

Eventually, (for us it took about two weeks) you will find THE ONE. You will jump up and down because you can totally see yourself living in this new wonderful place and you will start imagining how great life is going to be. You tell your realtor you want to make an offer and he or she will point you to a lender who will run a credit check to make sure you can even afford the damn thing. You will then be provided with a pre-approval loan letter to show the sellers when your realtor puts in your offer (just fyi this “pre-approval” means jack shit). Your offer goes in and then you wait….. You will keep checking your emails or voice mail over and over until it comes – the counter offer.  Finally, when you and the seller come to an agreement on price the real fun begins.

When you come under contract you will be overwhelmed with a shit ton of information and a long ass list of things you have to do. Almost immediately you have to complete a house inspection; you only have a certain number of days to get the inspection done or you’re shit out of luck. The inspection takes for fucking ever and you sit there as the inspector points out everything that is wrong with your, soon to be, new home. (Keep in mind by this point you have probably already mentally moved in and started decorating). Hopefully, the inspection won’t turn up too much, but if you are unfortunate like us you will come to find out that the house you love so much is basically a death trap that will cost more to fix than the house is worth.

In our case, after many many tears (by me of course) and some serious thinking, we gave up the house. About a week later we put another offer in on a new house and the process started all over again. We had to once again get an inspection, have a radon test, and have our lawyer submit more papers. All of which we had to pay for again.

Once you get the all clear from the inspector or come to an agreement about certain things the seller is going to fix the whole loan process can begin. The best way to describe this part of the process is: SO MUCH PAPERWORK. They ask you for everything. Pay stubs, W2 forms for multiple years back, bank statements, ID’s, SS cards, an explanation for all deposits that are over a couple hundred dollars, form after form that requires your signature etc. (I’m talking so much paper work that I need to remind myself to go back through all of it to make sure I didn’t sign away our first born).  They will insist on an appraisal, the underwriter will come back with more questions and requests, and you will have to get your home owners insurance. Once all is this is done you will once again just sit there and wait…. and wait.

As this whole last step with the lender and underwriter begins they will give you a closing date, but don’t believe them!! (Our closing date has now been moved back about 4 times). It’s always something and the worst part is that until you actually close you don’t own this house that by now you have become attached too.

Best of luck to anyone buying a new house. I feel your pain. As for me I am still currently waiting….. and waiting…

-LH