And Then There Were 3

Come December 2018 life as I know it is going to change in a big way. Yep, that’s right, my husband and I are expecting our first little bundle of joy. (Holy s*@t)!

Currently I am 24 weeks pregnant and things seem to be going pretty well. You know expect for the weight gain, back pain, muscle aches, and the never ending urge to pee. So when I’m not crying over something completely ridiculous or in a coma from being completely exhausted, I guess its not so bad.

While it isn’t horrible I have yet to understand those women who just love being pregnant. I mean seriously?!?!

You can’t have more than 200mg of caffeine a day, no undercooked meat (so basically no meat because anything cooked past medium rare is just sick), no sushi, no alcohol, and no brie cheese. Not to mention all the physical change. Many people talk about this glow that pregnant women get. I am going to tell you that isn’t a glow. It’s sweat because you are so freaking hot all the time and it’s probably all the extra makeup you need to hid the new adult acne all over your face.

During the first trimester I really enjoyed my bonding time with the toilet and I was so tired all the time I couldn’t get enough naps. And I am talking a ridiculous amount of naps; I didn’t know it was possible for someone to be that tired.

Thankfully when I got to the second trimester I got some of my energy back and I am now able to eat more than saltines and Gatorade. In fact the one thing I like about being pregnant is I don’t have to feel so guilty about all the carbs I am eating or the extra treats. (My Keto diet has been on hold for awhile). It was also pretty amazing to hear the baby’s heart beat for the first time and to see the images from the 20 weeks ultrasound. It’s so crazy to think in about 15 weeks that will be our little boy or girl.

The reality of all this is still sinking in. Good luck little one because I have no idea what I am doing!

To all those women out there who love being pregnant more power to you! To all those pregnant ladies who aren’t having the best time, I hear you. Go grab yourself a sweet treat and take a nice bath. Personally I have a doughnut in the kitchen calling my name!

L

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On Being 30…

On Being Thirty

A few months ago I turned the big 30 and although personally I don’t feel any different I can’t help but think that I am not quite understanding what this particular milestone in my life means. I am beginning to slowly come to the realization that there is an underlining set of rules or a number of expectations that comes along with being 30 that I am not living up to. I guess I didn’t get the official rule book…

Apparently there are a number of individuals who were presented with the official “On Being 30” guide book on their birthdays. Or maybe there was some sort of seminar that I was suppose to attend, but missed? (If this is the case it was mostly likely held early on a Saturday morning when I am still sleeping in). Either way I am sure that there are a number of individuals who look at me and shake their heads.

For starters I have found myself met with the same questions over and over again:

Are you married? No, I’m not married. Still single in fact, no boyfriend at the time. This question is usually followed up with a “Oh, well don’t worry you will find someone”. Well thank you very much! Up until that little condolence I was seriously concerned that I would never get married, have to take to collecting cats, and after becoming known as the crazy cat lady, would die alone. I feel sooo much better now.

Do you have any children? To the best of my knowledge, I do not. I can still barely take care of myself, how in the hell could I raise a child? My house plants commit suicide on a regular basis. I do have a dog, but he pretty much takes care of himself and if he needs something he sure as hell lets me know. He barks when he is hungry and he barks when he has to go outside. If I don’t pay attention to him, he will promptly leave me little presents on the floor. Not the good kind.

Honestly though, sometimes I can’t match my own clothing, I have to call my mother to remind me what kind of fish I don’t like to eat, and I’m not ashamed to admit there are nights when I wash my sheets, but then am too lazy to remake the bed so will grab a blanket and sleep on the mattress pad.

So then, what are you doing with your life? As if the idea that I am not married and childless is astonishing. Well, currently I am a writer for a healthcare company and a freelance writer, I volunteer, spend time with my amazing friends, enjoy regular workout classes, and relish in the fact that living alone gives me the quiet time I often desire. Tomorrow who knows, maybe I will take up lion taming and join the circus? I have absolutely no idea what I am doing with my life in the future. Is that alright with everyone?

In addition to this fairly frequent barrage of questions I also get the feeling that my movements are being constantly monitored and any inappropriate behavior is promptly reported to the over 30 police. These cleverly hidden eyes are watching me from afar just waiting for me to violate one of the “One being 30” rules so that they can snicker amongts themselves and pass judgment.

  • I still go out drinking with my friends, sometimes I may even get a good buzz going
  • I will still not turn down a chance to shake my booty on the dance floor
  • I probably spend more on clothes and shoes than I do on my rent
  • I assure you that the balance of 3.00 dollars in a checking account does indeed exist
  • Sunday Funday is still amazing, even more so when followed by a champagne brunch
  • Sometimes I have laundry piles that are taller than I am that I will stare at for a week
  • Sleeping through an entire Sunday is perfectly acceptable to me
  • Eating chocolate chips and diet coke for dinner is totally fine

I can hear the committee now. Violation!

So while I am technically considered an adult, I’m not quite sure that I consider myself to be one. Go ahead judge me, talk about me if you must, you can even cast me out of the 30 year old’s club because I am content with the way my life is for the time being.