On Passive Aggressive Notes

Sometimes in life you come across things that you simply cannot ignore. These precious moments are like little presents that have been specifically designed to bring an extra dose of joy to your day. In this particular instance, I am referring to the ever-so-hilarious passive-aggressive note.

Let us take a brief moment out of our busy day to discuss the passive-aggressive note.

Today I came home from work took my dog out and as I grabbed my mail on the way to yoga, I came across this lovely note recently posted in our hallway.

passive aggressive notes

First off, let me just say I am almost 100% confident I know who the mysterious note writer is. When I walked through the courtyard with Winston, the woman in the back apartment was standing outside smoking a cigarette. Within a matter of minutes – just long enough for me to change and head back out – this new work of skilled craftsmanship had been proudly displayed in the entryway.

Second, I am pretty sure that this note was directed at me. Not because I let my dog take a dump just any old place without cleaning it up, but because she saw my dog and I guessed assumed that he was the elusive courtyard pooper.

While Winston has made his way to the courtyard to go the bathroom a number of times this winter, mostly because it was too damn cold to go outside for a long period of time or there was so much snow it was too difficult to go any further, I assure you he did not defecate all willy-nilly about the entire courtyard. He always went in the dirt, not in the areas that anyone walks on.

I did pick up what I could before losing it in a pile of snow, since we all know how much I hate when people don’t pick up after their dogs. (The dog poop incident of 2014. I still have some flashbacks). However, sometimes is was a lost cause and I just planned to pick it up once the snow melted and it reappeared. I am sorry, but there is no way I am going turd mining in -40 degree windchill weather. That is absurd, especially since it was buried under a foot of snow and ice. I can see the headline now:

“Girl loses fingers and toes to frostbite while trying to uncover frozen dog-doo.”

Now all that being said, I understand that no one wants a courtyard full of poop. (How many times have I said poop, turd, or doo already? haha) I myself have seen a few lingering piles this afternoon, but the snow has literally just melted so I haven’t even had a chance to go retrieve the snow fallen casualties. But no way around it, the NOTE has spoken!

Here is what I find most humorous about this particular note. The girl who posted it stands outside everyday smoking and then throws her cig butts on the ground. I’m sorry, but if you’re so concerned about keeping the courtyard clean, why in the hell are you throwing shit out there? Yes, dog turd are gross, especially if you step in them, but at least they will disintegrate unlike those cancer sticks you so freely throw around.

The other thing that got to me about this particular note is how cutesy or funny or whatever the hell you want to call it, she was trying to be. She was probably in there at her computer laughing at what she thought was the most cleverly crafted note ever. Everyone knows that snow melts and that dog poo doesn’t, causing it to appear on the ground once the snow is gone. Wow! Your observation skills are truly astonishing. Maybe you should look into a job as a scientist? 

Finally, I wonder how often leaving these little shit bombs actually accomplishes what it was meant to do. Personally one of two things comes to mind when I see a note like this:

1. I must respond in a rather smart-ass passive aggressive manner
2. The note is stupid therefore must be ripped down and destroyed

Neither of which is probably the correct response and would most likely fuel the fire, starting an all out passive-aggressive note war.

So herein lies the big questions:

Why can’t we say exactly what we mean?
Why do we tend to leave anonymous posted notes, that are posted in secrecy in hope that someone will alter their behavior in some way?

I think a note with “Can you please pick up after your dog?” would have worked just fine. Instead I get some cutesy, bullshit note that I have to stare at every time I come and go from my apartment building. I will tell you one thing for sure, it doesn’t make me want to get out there and pick up newly thawed piles of shit. In fact it almost makes me want to send Winston out to take a big dump on her doormat. I’m not sure why other than the idiocy of these type of notes just make me want to rebel in some way.

If something is bothering you, at least have the courage to directly address it instead of tiptoeing around the situation with notes.


4 thoughts on “On Passive Aggressive Notes

  1. It’s like those notes you get in wedding invitations:
    ‘It’s your presence that’s requested, not your presents…’ and then ask for cash instead.
    Makes me go out and buy them an unwanted gift because I’ve got damned good taste in homeware and so won’t just be shoving some cash in an envelope, thanks.
    If I had a dog I’d make sure it pooed on her doorstep too.

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