Brain Bombs

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From the moment I get out of bed in the morning, aka the point in which I have used up all of my allotted snooze button hits, I’m constantly on the move.

I put in a full day at the office, generally get in a work out, and then rush home to let my little guy out while I make something for dinner. Needless to say when it’s bedtime I am not one to complain. In fact I am usually happy to curl up under the covers and put in some much needed snuggle time with the fur baby, as I slowly drift off into dream land.

Lately though I am not having much luck in the sleep department…

As soon as my head hits the pillow it’s immediately filled with a thousand different thoughts, all demanding my attention at once. Unbeknownst to me, my brain has decided to go on an all night bender. “You think you’re going to get a full nights sleep? ha ha WRONG!

So then I just lay there while my brain and my body have an all out war. My body is so tired that it aches, meanwhile my stupid brain keeps dropping thought bombs on me.

“Did you pay those bills?”

“You haven’t talked to your friend Courtney in awhile. Maybe she is mad at you.”

“What in the hell are you doing with your life?”

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! They just keep bombarding me.

Now here is where it gets interesting. As I lay there willing my mind to hit pause for the night, the more things I think of the worse my anxiety gets. Not only is my mind racing, but now I am having all the classic anxiety symptoms. Shortness of breath, tightness in chest, dizziness, and sweating. So naturally once all this begins I come to the most obvious conclusion- I MUST BE DYING! 

Congratulations brain you have won! Once the anxiety gets started I am wide awake because I now have to pull up WedMD to find out what type of horrible illness I have. Naturally I determine from the online explanations that I am either having a heart attack or have some sort of tumor. (Why is that what always pops up on that website?) Who can sleep now?

This  is where I have been at the last few nights. The thing that gets me is that I have had anxiety and panic attacks for many many years now and even though I know the symptoms are just a result of my anxiety I still can’t stop myself from letting my thoughts spiral out of control. That is the thing about anxiety no matter how much you try there are times in which you are unable to get ahead of it. It is still scary and at times completely overwhelming. Especially when all you want to do is go to sleep, not ruminate about all the worries you’ve ever had.

Hopefully, this passes quickly so that I can get some sleep again.

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